Archive for the ‘Facebook’ Category

Inappropriate Facebook status #4

January 9, 2013

Take a stand against Kaiju-phobia.

You know, I hear a lot of talk about how dangerous Godzilla is. How he is thirty stories high and breathing fire with his head in the sky. But maybe instead of worrying about how dangerous Godzilla is, people should think before they act. If you don’t want a giant, radioactive dinosaur-type monster to destroy your city, maybe you should make the streets a little wider, so he can get through without smashing all those buildings. And who puts high tension electricity wires all over the place? Anyone could trip over those. It’s a Health And Safety nightmare. And don’t ever get me started on testing atomic weapons under the ocean floor. Poor monster was minding his own business and then – Ka-blooey! No more nap time. No wonder he’s grumpy, woken up suddenly like that. So next time, before you blame a giant monster for destroying Tokyo, think about how he feels. I bet people who don’t care about kaiju won’t share and re-post this message, but people who have a little room in their hearts to love a giant monster will.

Godzilla. It’s not his fault. He was born this way.


Geez, who put all this stuff here? I almost sprained my damn ankle.


Inappropriate Facebook status #3

October 15, 2012

Take a stand against Hyperbole!

I bet a lot of the billions of people reading this message won’t know this, but hyperbole affects everyone, all over the world, all of the time. This may be the most serious threat that we, as a species, have ever faced. Our entire way of life hangs in the balance. So for the love of all that is holy, re-post and share this message. Email it to everyone you know who is not on Facebook. Tell your neighbours. Warn elderly relatives. Then seek shelter. If you don’t re-post and share this message, the consequences could very well be quite literally unfathomably terrible.

Hyperbole. It’s much, much worse than anyone ever imagined.

Inappropriate Facebook status #2

October 14, 2012

Take a stand against ennui.
Did you know that ennui affects 9 out of every 10 people who listen to My Chemical Romance’s album The Black Parade more than once a month? And that it affects 10 out of 10 people who own the hardback collector’s edition of Neil Gaiman’s graphic novel Death: The High Cost Of Living? If you care about people suffering from ennui, copy and paste this into your status, then turn off the lights and curl up into a ball. Stay like that until you feel better or until someone comes over. But we both know no one is coming over. Because no one cares. Not really. Not deep down. They don’t feel your anguish. So go right ahead and have a good cry. It’s very cleansing.
Ennui. Don’t suffer in silence. Listen to My Chemical Romance instead.

Inappropriate Facebook status #1

October 13, 2012

Take a stand against passive-aggression.
Did you know that 90% of people on Facebook have experienced passive-aggression at some point in their lives? Do you even care? Because if you did care, you’d re-post this message and share it. But you won’t. That’s fine. Do whatever you want. It’s not like this is a big problem. Just keep on doing whatever it is you’re doing, playing Farmville or something really important like that. No, I’m not upset. I thought maybe, just maybe, you might care. But it’s absolutely fine. Share this, don’t share this. It doesn’t matter to me.
Passive-aggression. No, really, it’s not a big deal. Jerk.