Archive for the ‘Music’ Category

The Many Moods Of Meatloaf

December 15, 2015

Hey baby, how’s it going?



Whatcha got there? Bacon sandwich?



Dang, that looks tasty.



Holy moley, is that mustard?



It is!



I need this.



No, don’t eat it!



You devil!



No, no, no, it’s totally fine. Do whatever the hell you want.



AHHHHHH! At least leave me the pickles!



I shall neither forgive nor forget this most grave trespass against my person. You shall pay most dearly.



Music Review – Kacey Musgraves, Shepherd’s Bush, London

October 13, 2013

This Sunday night I saw Kacey Musgraves perform at the Shepherd’s Bush Empire in London as she’s out on the road with her Same Trailer Different Park tour. It was the second time I’ve seen her live. The first time, last year, was at the smaller Bush Hall, just around the corner from the Empire. Then Kacey had a barebones group backing her up, many of whom were London musicians filling in for the night, with her British tour manager sitting in on drums on a few songs. In the intimate environment of Bush Hall and with unfamiliar faces around her on stage, Kacey rose to the occasion. Knowing that she was going to have to do most of the heavy lifting, musically speaking, for the evening, she was fully engaged with her material and with the audience. It was a performance filled with Kacey’s easygoing charm but she sang with some passion.

Tonight at the Empire, Kacey still had her laidback vibe but this time she had brought her full band of Nashville pros to back her up. The difference was considerable. These guys were seasoned professionals who know the music inside-out and, to be honest, while they never played a bum note all night, they mostly looked bored. The London players from last year, no doubt all too aware that the material was new to them, had an energy that the regulars didn’t match. Kacey-Musgraves

Kacey’s whole shtick on stage is built around that easygoing persona but since her last time here, she has been nominated for a slew of CMA awards back in the States and has been on TV and radio here in the UK (quite a feat for a country artist), and any sense of a young musician out to prove herself was noticeable by its absence. She coasted through the set and it felt like she was going through the motions. Perhaps I’ve been spoiled. A few months ago I saw Holly Williams in London and she gave one of the most heartfelt performances I’ve seen from a singer in any genre. When Holly sang her beautiful ode to her grandparents, Waiting On June, she scarcely managed to keep her composure. It was riveting. Kacey seems like an emotional and vocal lightweight by comparison, the latter point driven home by an ill-considered attempt to cover I Put A Spell On You, sung with no trace of the deranged menace of Screaming Jay Hawkins or the gutsy bravado of John Fogerty. In Kacey’s hands, it became dangerously inoffensive, which sums up the whole evening. It was slick and professional but disappointingly passionless.  Get your fire back, girl.

What Sort Of Heavy Metal Am I Listening To? Part Three

February 4, 2013

Welcome back, my metallic friends, for another insightful exploration of the world’s loudest and least understood form of music. Today’s lesson will examine two of the most difficult to distinguish genres in the metal pantheon – Doom Metal and Stoner Rock. They have much in common with sludgy guitar riffs and grinding tempos but once again, the key to telling these two musical woolly mammoths apart lies in the lyrics. Let us begin.


Doom Metal lyric subjects:

There was a witch. She was beautiful but she had evil in her heart. I tried to leave her, but there was no escape.


There was a mountain. It was made of iron and mightiness. I tried to climb the mountain but it was evil. There was no escape.


There was a wizard. He knew many arcane magics. Unfortunately he was evil. I tried to escape his mystic machinations. There was no escape.


There was a gate. It led to Hell. I tried not to go through the gate, but I did because there was no escape.


Evil. Evil is everywhere. But not to worry, it’s easy to avoid evil.


Totally kidding. There is no escape.


Stoner Rock lyric subjects:

Dude, is there any more pot?



What sort of heavy metal am I listening to? Part 2

July 30, 2012

After the first installment of our continuing educational series, ‘What sort of heavy metal am I listening to?’, you should be confidently able to differentiate nu-metal from old school metal, which will hopefully help you avoid any social faux pas in the mosh pit. In part two, we will learn to tell the difference between metalcore and black metal, once again by paying particular attention to the lyrical content of the songs.


Metalcore lyric subjects:

No one knows how deeply sensitive I am, despite the fact I am screaming about it as loud as I can.

Our economic system is founded on inequality. I know, right? That sucks!

That girl who broke my heart will never know how deeply I feel the loss of her love, despite the fact that I am screaming about it as loud as I can.

I think the environment is, like, totally important!

Sometimes I don’t feel very positive about myself, but I don’t like to go on about it, despite the fact I am screaming about it as loud as I can.

All this ennui is killing me. Hence the screaming.


Black metal lyric subjects:

Hail Satan.


Remember friends, forewarned is forearmed. Print this list out and keep it with you for any situation where you might encounter metal in all its myriad forms.

What sort of heavy metal am I listening to?

July 24, 2012

We know it can be tricky to tell one heavy metal track or band from the next. They all feature outrageous guitar show offs, too much hair and pounding rhythms. But the simplest way to tell American nu-metal from old school European metal is by examining the subject of the song lyrics. Here’s a handy guide that will steer you true:


American nu-metal lyric subjects:

No one likes me.

No one understands me.

No one loves me.

I have a large automobile that is in no way, shape or form intended to distract from my alarmingly small penis.

I don’t care about ‘rules’ and ‘the system’, although at no point will I offer an intelligent alternative to our current socio-political-economic model

I enjoy beer. It might be piss-poor, weak American Light Beer, but that’s what I like.

People were mean to me when I was younger, but now I’m famous so I can hate you all from the high ground of financial security.

That said, whilst I do enjoy a comfortable standard of living due to lucrative merchandising endorsements, I should take it amiss should anyone suggest I am not ‘keeping it real’.

I oughta kick your ass. Right here, right now. Whoa, big fella! I meant musically. Jeezus. Relax, will ya?

I am, in the most general and non-specific way, opposed to being told what to do.


Old school European metal lyric subjects:

Vikings and why they are awesome.


Keep this handy at all times when listening to metal.